Caring for families who find themselves at the start of a journey with a premature baby is something I have frequently encountered as a midwife. Sometimes expected, but more commonly unexpected, new parents must navigate through unfamiliar territory. Team this with the physical and emotional recovery and it’s certainly no easy feat! So allow me to guide you through my most frequently asked questions to help you on your way. 

Is skin-to-skin contact still important for my premature baby?   

Absolutely! Skin-to-skin contact is often referred to as “kangaroo care” on the neonatal unit. Kangaroo care is when your baby is taken out of the incubator or cot and placed directly against your skin in a chest-to-chest position. It helps your baby adjust to life outside of the womb. Not only does it calm and relax both mother and baby, but it also helps your little one to regulate their heart rate, breathing and temperature. Kangaroo care isn’t suitable for all babies straight away. If their condition is not stable, it may be advisable to wait a little longer. If this is the case, talk to the team caring for your baby and ask them to show you alternative ways to connect with your baby.

When your baby is ready to receive kangaroo care, it may be that it is done in short periods initially and slowly built up. This is to ensure that any new changes to their routine occur very gradually.

Can I still breastfeed? 

Yes, breast milk is the best milk for your baby. However, not all babies in the neonatal unit can have milk straight away. These babies receive all the nutrients they need through a thin tube into a vein; this is called parental nutrition. Regardless of the circumstances, your breastmilk still plays a vital role in your baby’s nutrition, growth, and development. So the first step is to speak to the team caring for your baby. Ask them to talk to you about your baby’s feeding requirements and to show you where you can breastfeed, express, and store your breastmilk whilst your baby is in the hospital. If your baby isn’t ready to take your breastmilk initially, it can be stored, so it is there for them when they are.

When your baby is ready to be put to your breast, they may only nuzzle or have a few gentle suck at first. This is completely normal as they are just learning. If you struggle to get your baby to latch on or they come off after a short period, speak to a nurse about using nipple shields. These are helpful breastfeeding tools that may give your baby a greater stimulus to suck and help with milk transfer from the breast. Please remember that breastfeeding may not be possible sometimes due to the circumstances surrounding the arrival of a premature baby. However, there are still many things you can do to make feeding your baby a precious bonding experience. Seek plenty of support from the team around you; they’re there to help!

What will help my premature baby and me to bond?

Caring for your baby on the neonatal unit can feel like a daunting experience. Parents often wonder where they fit in. However, I cannot stress enough; your baby needs you more than anyone else. Simply hearing your familiar voice will stimulate the release of the hormone oxytocin, otherwise known as the love hormone, which is essential for brain development.

If your baby has been taken to the neonatal unit immediately following delivery and you are recovering from birth, you can ask your partner to take lots of photos of your baby to show you. Many neonatal units will take pictures to give to you too. Looking at their picture will help you get to know your baby and help you feel connected during periods of separation. Your smell will also bring great comfort to your baby. It’s a good idea to get two small pieces of soft material. Leave one in the cot next to your baby and tuck the other down your top next to your skin. Then each time you see your baby, swap the pieces over.

Looking at photographs and smelling your baby will also help you express your breastmilk in times of separation. Once you feel well enough, ask the team caring for your baby how you can help. They will show you how to care for your baby whilst in an incubator. Additionally, regularly check in with them to see if there is anything your baby needs. Sometimes, a little trip to the shop to buy a book to read to them or a cute hat, can be the refreshing slice of normality you need as a new parent.

How can I soothe them if I am unable to pick them up?

No parent wants to see their baby distressed, especially if they cannot pick them up for a cuddle. However, it is good to know there is a particular way to hold a baby in the incubator without picking them up. This is called comfort holding. Comfort holding is a calming form of touch where you keep your hands steady against their body. The reason for keeping your hands still is because premature babies often find steady hands more calming than stroking. Ask the nurse caring for your baby to show you how to do this.

Something else that can calm an unsettled baby is non-nutritive sucking. This is when a baby sucks on a soother or their hand. Non-nutritive sucking is known to decrease the stress response during an unpleasant procedure. It also helps them calm themselves, which preserves energy, and it speeds up the development of their sucking reflex, which will support them to move on to oral feeds quicker.

MAM supply our special premature soothers directly to hospitals, if your NICU doesn’t have them, then please email our team or call us on: 

E-mail:  customerenquiries@mamuk.com
Phone number: 02089438880

How can my partner and I support each other? 

Welcoming a new baby to the family requires a team approach, especially when faced with unexpected circumstances. Open communication is vital. Even though you are walking this path together, you may be going at different paces or facing emotional challenges separately. Self-care is also of utmost importance; when all your focus is on your baby. You must also check in with your own needs; caring for you is caring for your baby! Finally, in a place where it may feel like your world is upside down, don’t forget the joy that familiarity can bring. Your favourite home-cooked meal or a phone call with a friend to hear about their new job may be just what you need for a bit of headspace.

We’re going home! Any advice? 

The big day has arrived! Your beautiful baby has been here for what may seem like a long time now. However, remember to take it steady and continue reaching out for support from those around you, as caring for your baby at home may feel very different. It is common for parents to experience various emotions, from feeling very excited to wholly daunted by the challenge ahead. However, remember that even though you are now at home, there is still a network of healthcare professionals here to support you all, both individually and as a family.

As tiny as they are, your little one may notice this change too. They have been used to an environment that is perhaps noisier and brighter than your home. If they are struggling to settle, try playing some white noise and experimenting with calming mood lights. Finally, savour these precious moments. It’s time to soak up those newborn cuddles. Embrace the slow mornings, where you do nothing but gaze at your little one’s facial expressions. Enjoy showing them around their new home and introducing them to the broader family. You’ve certainly earnt this!

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Read Some of Zoe’s other posts HERE

One of the things I am really passionate about is dispelling common myths around infant sleep and empowering parents to trust their instincts. As a parent when our baby is struggling to fall asleep or get back to sleep, we naturally want to help them, but should we?!

So should we be helping our babies to fall asleep or are we creating bad habits?

We often hear that babies need to learn to self-soothe in order to be able to sleep independently. That they do this by “being left alone to work out how to fall asleep by themselves”. Which essentially involves crying until they eventually fall asleep through exhaustion. This makes no sense to me. Infants are unable to learn when they are dysregulated and alone. They learn and thrive when their needs are met and they feel safe and secure.

There are many ways we can support our babies to fall asleep, such as feeding, rocking, and cuddling; all of which help to prevent babies from becoming overtired and enable them to fall asleep feeling safe and secure. This is what lays the solid foundations for sleep

But what about using things like soothers? Do they help or hinder sleep?

Soothers provide sensory input and soothing mechanisms which can be great for calming down, especially during bedtime when babies are often overtired and overstimulated. The sucking motion calms and relaxes babies, encouraging the onset of sleep. Not only can soothers help babies to fall asleep but they can also help babies transition through sleep cycles. MAM found that 87 % of parents who took part in their research believe the soother helped their child to improve their own ability to self-soothe and sleep better.

Research in 2005 by Fern Hauck, an associate professor of family medicine found that soothers can help to reduce SIDS when they are used specifically during sleep times. The research also highlights the importance of waiting until breastfeeding has been well established before introducing a soother, which can be up to 3-6 weeks.

Are there any soothers you recommend?

Not all babies will take a soother but if they do, MAM Soothers can provide your baby with maximum comfort, thanks to the SkinSoft silicone teats which have a 94% acceptance rate. They have also been developed in close collaboration with designers and orthodontists so are well worth a try.

MAM also have Night soothers which glow in the dark. Allowing you to find the soother with little disturbance if needed or for your little one to locate themselves when they are a bit older.

What is your final piece of advice for parents?

When it comes to supporting your baby with sleep, I am all for it! Trust your instincts and trust your baby, I promise you that you won’t regret it.

For more sleep tips and advice, you can follow Sarah on Instagram. @teachtosleep where she provides free resources and runs weekly Q and A’s on her Instagram stories.

And for advice on how to introduce soothers CLICK HERE

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The Effects of Sleep Deprivation.

When I was preparing for the birth of my first daughter, I was confident that I was ready for the sleepless nights that lay ahead. I was an experienced midwife and had done my fair share of night shifts; during many of which I hadn’t stopped for a break all night. So, it couldn’t be worse than that, could it? But, oh, how I reflected upon that thought process when I was in the thick of the night-time cluster feeding sessions with my firstborn! Don’t get me wrong… Those moments that I sat feeding my daughter in the middle of the night, just the two of us, were incredibly special. And now that I’ve caught up on sleep (four years and another baby later) I look back at this time with a full heart.

However, at a time of my life when I was experiencing night-after-night of repeatedly broken sleep; without a handover of care or the end of a ‘shift’. I fully felt the effects of extreme sleep deprivation; I found it hard to carry out the most basic of tasks or hold a normal conversation. As the weeks rolled on, I could feel my anxiety starting to bubble up as the evening approached; feeling so unsure of what lay ahead. However, as they say with all things raising little ones, ‘everything is just a phase’ and a phase it was!

So, with a clearer head, let me share with you some of my favourite tips; that I picked up along the way to help you survive the night with your new baby:

1. Preparation is Key

Get into a routine of preparing a little kit of all things you may need overnight, so they are easy to grab in your bleary-eyed hour of need. Items you may want to include:

• Nappies
• Wet wipes or cotton wool
• Nappy sacks
• Muslin squares
• A fresh set of clothes for your baby
• Breast pads

A friend of mine bought me a nappy caddy that came in extremely handy for me to keep all these essential items in one convenient place. Also, if you have a partner or person supporting you, ask them to take on the responsibility of restocking the night-time kit each day. Not only will this be of help to you but can allow them to feel included in the feeding process.

2. Light Bulb Moment

It’s well worth investing in a suitable night light if you’re up frequently overnight with your little one. There are many different styles to choose from; so do your research and select one that suits your needs the best. Ultimately, it’s a good idea to keep your night feeding sessions calm, quiet and dimly lit; with time, this will help your baby learn the difference between day and night.

3. Midnight Feast

It’s not just your little one who is feeling somewhat peckish! The chances are if you’re up a lot overnight and your body is recovering from birth, or you’re breastfeeding, you will also need snacks yourself. So, prepare for this and have something easy to grab nearby. Try to choose snacks that are convenient, nutritious, and low in sugar. Don’t forget the importance of drinking plenty of water too.

4. Sounds Good

Try experimenting with sounds to soothe your baby and help them settle down to sleep. For example, many babies find white noise calming, and if you use the same one each night, they’ll gradually build a sleep association with the noise. It’s great for adults, too; I still find that the washing machine white noise from my mindfulness app makes me sleepy from the early days (and long nights) with my second daughter.

5. Brain Boost

Feeding your baby is a precious time for bonding and taking in all the details of their perfect little face. However, if you’ve lost count of how many feeds into the night you are and you’re struggling to stay awake, then try to have some little boredom busters to hand. For example, downloading a new book on your kindle is excellent as many of these have a dim backlight, so there is no need to light up the whole room. Alternatively, if reading isn’t your thing, you may enjoy popping your headphones in and listening to a podcast.

6. Are you okay?

My final tip is what I believe to be the most important one of them all. Somewhere, amongst the relentless cycle of sleepless nights and non-stop days is a mother recovering from nine months of pregnancy, the birth and what probably feels like the most significant learning curve of her life. So, whilst you are busy tending to your baby’s every need, please take a moment to check in with yourself. Above all, make sure you are up to date with your pain relief, top up your water bottle and accept offers of help. Lastly, never underestimate what good can come from reaching out for support either. Whether you are turning to your midwife, partner, or best friend; the power of a listening ear and reassurance that you’re doing a great job can be a game-changer.

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Christmas Delivery

Pregnancy is full of myths and social pressures. The date your baby arrives in comparison to when they are supposedly meant to arrive is unfortunately not exempt from discussion and unsolicited advice.  Due dates are determined by 280 days to the first day of our last period, one of mother nature’s mysteries, which is somewhat artificially determined by a simple maths equation. As to be expected, statistics evidence shows a steady birth rate throughout the year; but it is also no surprise that there are typically fewer babies born on and leading up to Christmas day. It seems obvious that doctors avoid induced labours as much as possible during this time, which means most babies born on or close to the 25^th are here just as mother nature intended.

Planning Ahead

I was delighted to be expecting a Christmas baby on the 9^th of December. After experiencing my first pregnancy during a Summer heatwave, there was something about a crisp winter baby, which felt warm and wholesome. My first daughter had arrived on her due date, something I know now is quite unusual. My labour came on naturally, with my waters bursting all over my bedroom floor. So sensibly, I decided this time I wasn’t taking any chances. I was continually told by everyone about the old wife’s tale of second baby’s arriving much quicker and earlier.

I decided to extend my maternity leave, finishing work during the end of October, and preparing our house for the festivities which lay ahead. Every logistic was planned, every present was wrapped, every food delivery was ordered, and meals were cooked and frozen. I even booked a visit to see Santa for 13 days after my due date, (just to be sure I would be up and walking around in time to take my 4-year-old).  By the 1^st of December, I was ready. With enough time to ‘relax’ or repack my hospital bag over and over.

The Waiting Game

My due date came and went, but no baby arrived. My yuletide gift was nowhere to be seen. This was certainly not part of the plan.

A week flew by… then day 9… then day 10...

If you ever meet someone who is overdue, please, be kind. The emotions you feel at this time are nothing short of overwhelming. For me in addition to feeling extremely impatient, the extra days gave me more time to consider labour, which for a second baby is not the most helpful. But even worse, was watching everyone around me enjoy the build-up to Christmas.  

Bittersweet emotions –

Adoring the excitement for my first daughter but distracted by my continuing thoughts of delivering my baby safe earthside. Whilst people discussed their Christmas plans, all I could do was desperately hoping that I would be holding my baby because it felt as though she was never going to come.

I bounced on balls, ate hot curries, took baths, walked miles. I even paid an offensive amount of money for acupuncture. But my little girl was not ready. Everyone who knew me was incredibly sympathetic, but the same advice to rest became tiresome. For anyone who hasn’t been overdue, it is incredibly difficult to rest during this time because your hormones are everywhere.

Desperate Measures

Finally, I was booked in for an induction, something I had been so adamant I did not want to happen. But 13 long days after my due date and 3 days before Christmas my induced baby arrived. All my fears melted away in what was the most incredible labour and just writing about it makes me teary. My partner took our eldest on the Santa trip, on the way to the hospital to meet her new sister. Another arrangement that had certainly not been part of the plan. I spent Christmas day in bed feeding, whilst the chaos descended downstairs. These are some of the fondest memories, that I will never forget.

A strong reminder that not only does birthing rarely ever go to plan, but old wife’s tales about due dates and second babies are definitely not true. Your baby will arrive when they are good and ready.

The best advice I can give is to focus on a birth month, rather than a birth date. If you are overdue this festive season, remind yourself that the best is yet to come and try to soak up your last few days without a newborn in tow.

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Breastfeeding Positions: The Basics

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Read on: Breastfeeding & Responsive Feeding – What Is It?